It's My Birthday!
Updated: Feb 9
I love birthdays, I don't care who’s it is...but today, it's mine! Cue the confetti!!!!!
After spending years of wanting to go to sleep and not wake up, actually celebrating another 365 days of life is always a milestone for me. Thanking God for bringing me through another year, and meaning it, is something I never thought I’d do. But here I am. Thanking Him!
The last four months have not only tested, but re-shaped my faith by pushing me into deciding to do something new. I decided to move forward putting one foot in front of the other no matter how dark things looked ahead; or how tired I was! And boy, was I tired! And let me tell you, there were days when things looked as black as midnight on one of those midwest country roads, the one with no lights and you have to drive with your brights on just to see 2 feet ahead! I’m from the midwest, trust me, I know about those roads.
I also decided to thank Him for open AND closed doors because I realized He was teaching me something with both. The enemy kept coming at me, telling me I wasn’t strong enough to get through. There was so much going on, so much changing from moment to moment. I was praying daily and vowing to trust in the Lord, but that ‘ole devil came in like a roaring lion ready to pounce! Ready to rip my faith right out of my soul, if I’d let him. I began to feel weak and started questioning God. “Lord!! What is going on?” Was I trusting Him, or was I just numb? I couldn’t tell. My peace seamed to be slipping away and the enemy began to tempt me with his thoughts (not mine, or yours, always remember that!) of defeat and despair. I began to feel as if I was in the middle of a nightmare. I thought I was done with this type of thinking, of letting the enemy get the best of me. I’m a spiritual failure! But, as usual, God and His angels were fighting for me. He reminded me of my band of prayer warriors. My spiritual tribe. I called on them to stand in the gap for me and my family, because I didn’t even know what to pray for anymore. I was honest about how weak I felt, even though I was ashamed to admit it. And they went to work. The prayers and encourgement flooded my phone via texts and phone calls. Not just for an hour or a day, but continues even to this day. It wasn’t long before I felt the heaviness lift and I could see the light again.
You might be wondering, “what kind of a Happy Birthday post is this!” Haha! Well, you see, there was a time when I would go down into the dephts of despair and stay there…for days, months, years. I wouldn’t come up for air, nor did I want to. I didn’t even believe there was air, not for me, anyway. So I lay there, wishing I could go to sleep and not wake up. I was hopeless. But I love how now, even during dark times (because they come on everyone), even when I have doubts and fears, I can call on a God who loves me and whose greatest desire is to pull me up when I’m drowing. To continue to teach me how to trust Him, no matter the circumstances. To forgive me for my disbelief and lead my heart to believe with every new day. Now, despite the trials, I have hope. And I thank Him for being patient with me and fighting for me through all the other birthdays, allowing me to get to this one so I can share my testimony with you.
So if today is your birthday, too..
"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
II Corinthians 12:10
"He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength."
"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears."
Just a little home photo shoot :-)
PC: (Plus Hair & Makeup Credit):
Katrina Butler @beautybyklb